Weekend Recap, Volume: Babies and Beaches

This past Saturday, D and I went to visit friends who had a baby two weeks ago (a boy named Wyatt). And honestly? I don’t think this visit was an especially good idea for either of us. D’s Baby Fever was only exascerbated by the day-long visual of me holding a teeny tiny baby in my arms, and the intoxicating smell of Wyatt’s newborn goodness made me feel like this whole child bearing thing isn’t so scary after all (and that’s not true! Because it IS scary. VERY scary!). We left our friends’ house feeling like we wanted to rush home and have unprotected sex (we didn’t, by the way), and like we could totally have a baby soon and it wouldn’t be a big deal (which, OMG, it SO WOULD be a big deal). We talked about the baby-making a bit yesterday morning as we were lying in bed, and I think we’re still on track with starting a family sometime next summer-ish. Maybe if our house sells sometime this year, we’ll start a little earlier. MAYBE. It’s just funny how one day with a sweet, cuddly, teensy little baby (he’s 6.5 pounds and less than 20 inches long! OY! The cuteness!) can make you feel all squishy and gooey and sappy inside. We were almost ready to live in our Camry if it meant we could have a baby soon. And then reality set in, and I thought about how cramped it would be to have two adults, 4 cats, and a newborn baby living in a 4-door sedan, because where would the litter boxes and all of the ice cream go? Lord knows I can’t be expected to live without having ice cream available to me at all times! And, so, yeah, we’re waiting a bit.

On Sunday, we took a drive to a local beach/metropark and went for a walk (and, um, Friday? Remember how you were all warm and cozy and we were in love with you? Because Sunday? You were freaking COLD and WINDY and you SUCKED and we were MAD AT YOU!!!). Ahem. We also drove around a bit looking at houses and getting an idea of how much it might cost to live on or near the lake (can you say, $400,000 and UP?? AKA, more than we want to spend on an older-ish home, thank you very much). On the way back from the beach, D stopped and got me Dairy Queen (Peanut Buster Parfait, bitches!), because, I don’t know if I mentioned, I love ice cream way more than one woman should. A long nap while listening to the Masters tournament followed our beach/metropark outing (because isn’t golf the BEST THING to fall asleep to?? It’s SO DAMN BORING!!!), and when we got up? We had a fun evening of bathing, blow-drying, and shaving our cat’s dingleberry-ridden hind quarters (she’s too fat to clean her own ass these days, which is a whole other story for a whole other time), and watching the season finale of Rock of Love (which, considering Daisy was in the top two and lost, isn’t so much different than shaving off dirty, cat-ass dingleberries). All in all, it was a very quiet, relaxing day. And I finally got to spend some much needed one-on-one time with my glorious husband. He’s awesome. Truly, truly wonderful.

Tomorrow at work? I get a different desk! (Not new, mind you, but different!) And my whole office will be changed around! And if there’s one thing I love, love, love, it’s moving around furniture for a fresh, new look! Even moreso when movers come and do it, and I get to sit back and point and say, “I think that would look better over here.” So yay! A new configuration! If I can sneak in a pic or two, I will. Cameras are officially “prohibited” at my office, but we’ll see how sneaky I can be.

Blue & Fanny’s Friday Discussion and a Spider Bite!

Funny thing about La and I lately…  We haven’t been talking about poop as often as usual.  (I know, I know - the earth must be off its axis, right?)  I think we’ve both been a little stressed out and, perhaps, over-tired, and we just haven’t been as silly and pooptastic as we normally would be.  But!  Fear not!  We’re still pretty cute (La especially).  Hence, the following Blue & Fanny discussion, taken from a conversation we had this past Wednesday.

Fanny: my hands smell funny today.
Blue: like?
Fanny: i really can’t put my finger on it. it’s sort of metallic? sorta earthy? am i having a stroke?
Blue: doubtful. but maybe… 
Blue: is your face melting on one side?
Blue: is your speech slurred?
Blue: are you having trouble walking? 
Fanny: you always take the fun out of my “illnesses”.
Blue: i know. i’m a wet blankie. it’s my gift.
Fanny: um, i just caught my shoe heel on my pants and fell into my chair and almost went through the computer screen.
Fanny: i’m such a graceful gazelle.
Blue: lol!!!!!! i’m so glad i’m not the only one who does stuff like that! have you ever tripped over the air?
Blue: like, tripped? when there’s nothing there to trip on? and then, you look around to see if anyone saw you because, omg, how dumb did you just look tripping over AIR?
Fanny: omg, all the time.
Blue: i’m good at that. it’s a skill, really.
Fanny: nick does it, too.
Fanny: he’s more clumsy than we are!
Blue: D, too!!!
Fanny: i love all of us.
Blue: omg, our children are going to need padded suits and teeny tiny helmets with chin straps!
Blue: (and um, for safety purposes only, not because they’ll be “special”)
Fanny: maybe by some freak of nature, they’ll turn out normal? because two negative clumsies might equal one positive nonclumsy?
Blue: okay! now you’re thinkin! gawd, i hope so!
Fanny: that totally sort of involved math, did you see?
Blue: it did!
Blue: you totally just blew my mind, you mathematical savant!
Fanny: aw, shucks.

(Random, I know.)

In other news!  I got bit!  By a spider!  On my big toe!  At work!  Lookie:

It feels a lot better today than it did yesterday.  There was much swelling and venom to be squeezed out, but I think it’s on the mend.  I guess that’s what I get for taking my shoes off under my desk while I work.  But also, who would have expected a SPIDER to be crawling around under their DESK in their 4th floor OFFICE where they work as a LAWYER?  Um, not me!  Lessons learned from this incident: (1) my workplace apparently does not participate in insect abatement; and, (2) keep toes pedicured throughout the warm months in case this becomes a regular event and excessive showing of the toes to everyone who hears about the incident is necessary.

New Shoes, Pairs #1 and #2

This is one of the pairs of shoes I bought on Saturday (Steve Madden peep toe wedges in black patent leather).  I took the picture in my office with my Treo, so it’s not the best quality.  But!  It gives you an idea of what they look like.  They’re not very tall because I’m not “supposed” to wear high heels (see: 2005 pre bar exam incident where I fainted on the sidewalk after the last day of BarBri, breaking my right ankle and spraining my left one in the process).  I miss heels a LOT - I used to own many wonderful pairs, and I used to lurve being 5′9 or 5′10 (depending on how high the heels I was wearing were).  The tallest I get these days is 5′8, because two inch heels are about as high as I can safely go.  My ankles are pretty weak and I’m VERY tipsy in heels now.  Which is POOP.  Because have you seen the cute, super high heels they have out these days???  I swear that shoe designers are doing it to me on purpose!!!

And this is another pair of new shoes (this pic was also taken with my Treo, so it’s kinda sucky).  I actually have a real live camera at home, but since I’m entirely too lazy to post from home in the evenings, camera phone pics will just have to do.  These are Miss Bisou cork wedge sandals with black, patent leather strappies.  I got them at JC Penney for $19 (marked down from $45, if I remember right).  I’m wearing these today and so far?  I’ve only almost killed myself once.  The wedge part is kinda skinny, so I’m a little tipsy in them.

I plan to wear more new pairs of shoes as the week goes by, so there will likely be more pics!  And, um, you’ll notice from today’s pics (and all the shoe pics to come) that I am completely incapable of buying shoes in colors other than black or a combination of black and white.  I do not know why.

Happy Humpday.

Happy Birthday to Moi, Version 33.0

Um, WordPress?  What the fuck?  Guess it’s been too long since I posted!  Frankly, I liked the old dashboard better.

Anyhooskies.  Today, I’m 33.  And, unfortunately, it hasn’t been a very good birthday so far.  I woke up with a migraine (fun!) and a very unhappy stomach (diarrhea, cha cha cha), and it’s just, um, not what I hoped for.  My head is still pounding, albeit more gently, and my tum is behaving since I got to work.  So, I guess that’s an improvement.  I’m hoping it continues to improve as the day wears on.

I *may* have done a little birthday shopping over the weekend, and it *may* have consisted of 5 new pairs of shoes (pics to come, provided I don’t forget), two Coach wristlest (this one, and this one), and perfume (this kind, and this kind).  I spent way more money than I should have, but hey?  I’m worth it, right?  Right!

Yesterday was kind of a bad day, and if I feel like talking about it later in the week, I’ll explain more.  But right now, I don’t feel so much like talking.  I feel pissy.  And it sucks balls to be pissy on your birthday.  April is usually my favorite month, but so far this year?  I’m hating April. 

I know I haven’t talked much about the colposcopy I had in March.  I’ve been meaning to, but haven’t felt much like blogging recently.  The biopsy results came back indicating “mild” pre-cancerous cells on my cervix, which, in the scheme of pre-cancerous cells, is a “pretty good” result.  I don’t have to have additional treatment unless the 6-month repeat pap smear comes back indicating that I’ve progressed past the “mild” stage into “moderate” or “severe.”  The repeat pap will take place sometime in October, so there will be more info to come (and more vaginal prodding, which, you know, is something to look forward to).  Also, my doctor is now 100% certain that I have polycystic ovary syndrome (based on the bloodwork she did), and she’s going to start treating me for it so that D and I can begin trying to get pregnant next July (2009).  In case you didn’t already know?  Being a woman?  Equals 150% FUN!!!!!!  It’s awesome.  I love it, I really do.

I think that’s all I can muster for today.  The head is still hurting me and I have work I need to get to (and um, why aren’t birthdays a paid holiday???).  I’m sorry I’ve been so terribly MIA lately.  I’m struggling to keep the blogging interesting, but it doesn’t seem to be working.  I feel like a mess of boring-ness and blah.  Oh well.  You still love me, right?? 

Blue and Fanny’s Friday Discussion: Special Weekend Edition (because I was too lazy to post it yesterday)

This installment of Blue & Fanny’s Friday Discussions is a little overdue (see yesterday’s post regarding my extreme laziness yesterday afternoon).  But!  Lookie!!!  Yay!!!!!  Special weekend post!!!  And in this week’s discussion?  Poop isn’t mentioned ONCE!  So, see?  We’re totally mature!  And we CAN talk about something other than poop.  This week, anyway. 

Fanny: i miss my fake nails for digging into the teef crevies for when crud gets stuck in there. like peanut brittle.
Blue: mmm, brittle. i use the nails for that purpose too! and pimple popping! and nose picking!
Blue: in fact, maybe that’s why i can’t part with them???
Blue: wow. i’m so hot.
Blue: how did i ever find (and subsequently marry) an actual man???
Blue: it’s a mystery. wrapped in a conundrum. ensconced in an enigma.
Fanny: you truly, truly make my pants hurt.
Blue: your pantalones?
Blue: ole!
Blue: i feel spanish-y today.
Fanny: claro que si!
Blue: um.
Blue: not THAT spanish-y.
Fanny: lost ya?
Blue: more like, hola!
Blue: and huevos!
Blue: and estoy cansada (sp?)
Blue: we’re almost to the end of my repertoire here.
Fanny: oh thank crap my boss just left.
Fanny: he is working my LAST NERVE today.
Blue: does that mean you can leave early??
Fanny: no, just that i probably now won’t stick a hot fork in my eye.
Blue: oh but la!??! the hot fork in the eye is so niccccce!
Blue: you must try it!
Fanny: you know how sometimes you have tasks that you don’t want to do so you put it somewhere to work on “later”?
Fanny: i now have a gigantic pile of ”later” tasks.
Blue: UGH! that is the WORST!
Fanny: and my boss is all “remember that one thing i asked you to do that one time? is that done?”
Fanny: argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blue: i no likey that question.
Fanny: it makes me want to say “remember that one time when you annoyed me so much that i just went home and took the company checkbook and never came back?”
Fanny: “fucker?”
Blue: man, that was BAD ASS!
Fanny: right???
Blue: you’re like, the female Dirty Harry.
Fanny: i totally am.
Fanny: (who’s dirty harry?)
Blue: LAUREL!
Blue: clint eastwood???
Blue: the movie Dirty Harry???
Blue: please tell me you’ve heard of it!??!?!
Fanny: um, when i read “dirty harry”, i immediately thought of debbie harry, and then dick tracy, and ultimately, madonna.
Fanny: so, no.
Blue: LAUREL!!!!
Blue: it’s totally a classic movie from back in the day.
Blue: “go ahead, make my day?”
Blue: NO???
Fanny: see? then this means I’m YOUNG! because i don’t REMEMBER!
Fanny:i’ve heard of it, i guess, but never seen it.
Blue: eh. don’t bother seeing it. it’s a total guy movie.
Blue: but yeah, it’s sort of a classic.
Blue: brb, have to run to the big printer…
Blue: baaaaaack in the crack, wiggity whack!
Fanny: um, Bluey?
Fanny: you’re weird.
Blue: (yeah, don’t ask. i have no idea.)
Blue: too much SUGAR TODAY I THINK!
Fanny: h to the home to the i want to go home.
Blue: m to the e to the meeeee toooooo!
Fanny: we should write songs. we’re so obviously gifted.
Blue: we could!! we could call ourselves Blue Fanny.
Blue: or Banny!  Or Flue!
Blue: or Crazy Crackheads Who Eat Too Much Candy!
Blue: i’m giggling to myself in my office and i’m not entirely sure why.
Fanny: (me too)
Blue: i bet my coworkers are like ?????
Fanny: i don’t even have any coworkers here right now!
Blue: whenever i see the word coworkers, i pronounce it in my head as cow orkers, and then i giggle a little to myself.
Fanny: i could take my pants off if i want to!
Blue: YAY! working with no pants! sans pants! nada pantalones!
Fanny: i have a serious booger situation here, though. my lord.
Blue: pick it! pick it! but please do not go lick it!
Blue: (omg, i am SO SORRY you have to endure this every day)

Don’t Kill Me!

I know today’s post would normally consist of Blue & Fanny’s Friday Discussion of Something Really Gross and Totally Inappropriate.  But!  It’s been a really hectic week (as you might have noticed from my lack of posts in general), and I’m not feeling up to putting the effort into preparing one of our discussions.  And I’m sorry for this, dear bloggy friends (or, um, the three people left who still check this site every day, only to find that I’m a total slacker who hasn’t been able to get it up for the blog very often in weeks past).  Maybe I’ll do a special weekend edition of the Blue & Fanny series?  Because I know how you all *truly* enjoy reading about poop and farts and wieners.  ;)  Who knew when La and I became friends four years ago that our future conversations would be so… grody?

I’m not up to much this weekend.  We were supposed to have K, but that isn’t going to happen after all (she’s going up north with her mom, step-dad, and siblings instead).  D asked me on a “date” for tomorrow night (since we haven’t seen each other awake since Wednesday), so we’re heading out to dinner and a movie.  I get to choose the restaurant (I’m thinking Carrabba’s - I have a mean chicken marsala craving), and he wants to see Stop Loss, so I believe that’s the plan for the movie watching.  I’m pretty sure Ryan Phillippe appears shirtless in Stop Loss, and who doesn’t want to see that???  Interesting story about one of the shitty aspects of being in the present-day Army aside, a shirtless Ryan Phillippe is always a deal-sealer as far as I’m concerned.  (Cue creepy “mmmmm” sound that Herbert (the pedophile) from Family Guy makes when he sees Chris.)

Sunday will probably be a bundle of excitement too - I think we’re going to the GROCERY STORE!  And maybe doing LAUNDRY!  Do we know how to party like rock stars, or what!??!?!  Ooh, and speaking of rock stars, there’s always the Sunday morning Rock of Love episode to watch.  So, add that to the list, too!  Big plans, ya’ll.  BIG PLANS.

Not on our list this weekend?  SEX!!!  (Booooooooooo!)  I had my colposcopy and cervical biopsy this past Wednesday and I’m supposed to, ahem, “behave myself” until this coming Wednesday.  Which, truth be told, has been tough for little ‘ol slutty me.  I miss the hot lovin’ already, and it’s only been two damn days.  Ugh…  D best watch out come Wednesday of next week.  I’m going to be one horny mamacita by then!

I’ll have more information about the colposcopy and biopsy next week.  Suffice it to say?  It was *not* the most fun I’ve ever had with my pants off.

Happy Weekend!!! 

Blue and Fanny’s Friday Discussion of (you guessed it) Poop!

At least one time each day, La and I discuss something poop-related.  Sometimes, it’s our own poop, sometimes it’s poop in general, sometimes it’s farts or sharts (which isn’t to say we shart - we don’t - we just find the concept rather amusing).  But, in any case, it’s a daily occurrence for sure, and it’s always entertaining (to us, anyway).  I guess most people probably think we’re a little weird - I mean, who in their right mind has so much to say about poop and poop-related issues?  To that I respond, WE do world.  WE DO.  

SO!  Because we have so much to say about poop!  Here’s the latest installment in our Friday discussions series.  After you read it, I recommend popping over to La’s place and congratulating her on the speed with which she can take a poo.  Because internets?  That woman is fast!  The foot long-er discussed in the post below?  Took, literally, less than one minute.  They don’t call her the Rad Fanny for nothing, ya’ll.

Without further ado…

Fanny: i feel poopish
Blue: i feel hyper and yet tired at the same time. why comes you feel poopish, my sweet?
Fanny: i didn’t really poop this morning
Fanny: now it’s brewin’
Blue: i pooped at work, and it was the kind with a knot on the side? you know the kind i mean?
Fanny: ooh, i hate those
Blue: like, all is going well, and then you hit the knot!
Blue: and it stretches your shoot a little too much!
Fanny: yah, and it’s hurty!
Blue: i no like.
Blue: OR!
Blue: have you ever had one of those really dry ones?
Fanny: i don’t think so?
Blue: that are sorta pokey?
Blue: and feel like they tore ya up?
Fanny: ooh, yes, i don’t like those.
Fanny: ooh man, brb!!!
Blue: go la! go la! take a poop now! take a poop now!
Fanny: oh my sweet lord.
Fanny: i think i just lost eight pounds.
Blue: you? are the world record holder in the category of Speediest Poop Deposit.
Fanny: I KNOW!
Fanny: i was just thinking that if there were an award? i would TOTALLY win it.
Fanny: i didn’t even think the poo was ready!
Fanny: and then there it was!
Fanny: like a foot long!
Blue: do you, like, just drop the drawers and it flies out?
Blue: a FOOT LONG?
Fanny: pretty much
Fanny: and yes.
Fanny: phew.
Blue: no wonder you felt so bad!
Fanny: i know!
Fanny: now i should go home, for sure.
Blue: i agree. tell your boss you have anal trauma.
Fanny: also, now i’m hungry.
Blue: well, shoot! you cleared out all that space!
Blue: eat something!
Fanny: i know!